Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Adrenaline Button

When I was a youth, I played youth soccer.
I was very small and very blonde. I used to believe when I needed a burst of energy-
 all I needed to do was push my belly button.

 And then it would release a huge explosion of adrenaline inside my small body.

 It would work like a charm every time.


 Sort of.

To this day it's gotten me out of many problems.
"Hey bro, you spilled my BEER!"


"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't push this belly button."


 Sort of.





Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Number 1 on the 5.

After spending a wonderful holiday with family, Lindsay and I drove back home via the 5 freeway. We ate little chocolates and took in the wonderful smells of live cattle.


Half way into our trip, Lindsay accidentally dropped a big hunk of chocolate.

It fell right in that unreachable abyss underneath the seat.
We couldn't risk melted chocolate under the seat, so we pulled off the freeway.

In the middle of nowhere there was a black SUV parked just off the road.
The driver of the SUV was smiling at us.



I was getting a strange vibe.

 The shoulder to right was way too rocky to pull over so my only option was to pull up behind the weirdo in black SUV.

We had no idea when we pulled up to the rear of his car



 We would see the


REAR OF HIS WIFE!
His wife bending over to pee was this far away.
But it felt this far away.

She quickly realized she had an audience.


I tried to look everywhere but the pale white cheeks in front of my face.



I'm sure Lindsay would've liked me to just drive away and avoid any further humiliation, but my legs were paralyzed. I'm like a possum that way.
The woman screamed and jumped in her car without getting her pants up all the way.


I saw in the side view mirror, her husband laughing like a mad man.
 They drove off.




"Do you want to get that chocolate before it melts."


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Some iphone apps

I have some iphone app ideas (app is tech talk for applied information science technology)

My first iphone app would help you in any social situation where someone is about to spoil a movie you haven't seen.
"Hey, in the new MI4: Ghost Protocol there is this bomb a$* twist when Ethan Hunt finds out-"


The app will sound an alarm so powerful it will render the potential movie spoiler deaf, and give them horrible diarrhea.

The next app sends out a signal that kills any other cell phone that bothers you during a movie.


That scene wasn't from a movie, but it is from the emotional climactic series Dawson's Creek. Here is the clip(spoiler alert: you will cry, if seeing other people cry, makes you cry.)

If you're worried about your iphone getting stolen, worry no more, this new app will make it seems as if you are just licking a delicious ice cream cone.

Or an app that makes your screen looked cracked and broken will also deter criminals. 
Maybe you're embarrassed by the look of your iphone and you want the look of a flashy flip phone. This app will turn your frumpy iphone into a stylish phone from ten years ago. (antenna accessory sold separately)

Perhaps for you, it doesn't get better than a blackberry. Well, transform your iphone interface into whatever phone you want!

Maybe you're even embarrassed to have a iphone. No problem, download any one of the everyday items with a matching cellphone cover to disguise it.


You can surf the web, listen to music, text, sext, and talk all you want and no one will ever again think you're just showing off your new phone.


Patent Pending: Steal these ideas and I will cut you!