Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Adrenaline Button

When I was a youth, I played youth soccer.
I was very small and very blonde. I used to believe when I needed a burst of energy-
 all I needed to do was push my belly button.

 And then it would release a huge explosion of adrenaline inside my small body.

 It would work like a charm every time.


 Sort of.

To this day it's gotten me out of many problems.
"Hey bro, you spilled my BEER!"


"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't push this belly button."


 Sort of.





Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Number 1 on the 5.

After spending a wonderful holiday with family, Lindsay and I drove back home via the 5 freeway. We ate little chocolates and took in the wonderful smells of live cattle.


Half way into our trip, Lindsay accidentally dropped a big hunk of chocolate.

It fell right in that unreachable abyss underneath the seat.
We couldn't risk melted chocolate under the seat, so we pulled off the freeway.

In the middle of nowhere there was a black SUV parked just off the road.
The driver of the SUV was smiling at us.



I was getting a strange vibe.

 The shoulder to right was way too rocky to pull over so my only option was to pull up behind the weirdo in black SUV.

We had no idea when we pulled up to the rear of his car



 We would see the


REAR OF HIS WIFE!
His wife bending over to pee was this far away.
But it felt this far away.

She quickly realized she had an audience.


I tried to look everywhere but the pale white cheeks in front of my face.



I'm sure Lindsay would've liked me to just drive away and avoid any further humiliation, but my legs were paralyzed. I'm like a possum that way.
The woman screamed and jumped in her car without getting her pants up all the way.


I saw in the side view mirror, her husband laughing like a mad man.
 They drove off.




"Do you want to get that chocolate before it melts."