Dear woman from the market,
I was in the corner eating a Clif bar, watching a guy dump a bunch of change into the coinstar machine, when you came in.





When you came in and trashed the place, I was certain you were just a crazy lady breaking stuff, but then I saw through the obscenities and heard your message. I think we SHOULD be more careful in the grocery store. Too many times have I slipped on spilled Juicy Juice or cut my fingers on those dang tortilla packages! You are a visionary and this is me saying, I would like to be a part of your traveling safety show.
I think with some late night rehearsals we could turn your one woman show, into a one woman (you) and one man (me) show. Here are some ideas on how I could be incorporated into the act. I could cover myself in tomato cans and pretend to be dead from a soup can avalanche. I could paint my face blue( you would have to provide the paint) and pretend I am trapped in the frozen food freezer. I could dress as the market manager and when I try and kick you out of the store, I kick myself in the eye, basically whatever you need, I can be that. I played a ten year old boy in the junior college play Marvin's Room, so I do have some acting experience.
You can contact me here at this blog. Feel free to give me your home address so I can send you my resume and head shots. Looking forward to working with you.
Your new friend and devoted fan,
Erik
P.s.-
Guy with the jar of coins,
How much did you end up getting? I saw that you had over $112 and still had that huge bucket of coins to dump.