JAPAN ART AUCTION

In about a month we are having an art auction for Japan and here is the drawing I did for it.

(8"x10"Acrylic with ink.)

It is a blueprint of a robot I have already submitted to the NRC (National Robot Council). As you can see it has every technology you would ever need. If my calculations are correct, and they always are, this will be in every household by the first quarter of the next full moon. It is called the Bionic Operating Nano Electric Robot, or for short the BONE- uh never mind, we are still currently working on a name.

Twilight Romance

Last weekend my wife and I were leaving Trader Joes with our groceries. We were right behind a grandma and her grandson. She was in her twilight years and he looked like he played a hunky werewolf in the best twilight film(new moon). The sun was setting and we had white cheddar corn puffs to eat when we got home, it was looking like that sunday was going to be my favorite sunday ever.

And then the unthinkable...

The hunky werewolf grabbed the grandma who was not his grandma(I think) and kissed her with a passionate open mouthed kiss. 

Obviously I was stunned.

 Lindsay played it cool...

Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."

Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."

 Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."

I was frozen.

 

After quite some time they stopped kissing and I regained the use of my legs. When I  made it to the car, I looked up and saw...

He was helping her put on her seatbelt and went in for more old face sucking.

I tried to start the car...

But I couldn't. It was like I was looking at the eye of Sauron.

I was finally able to figure it out. We sped off home, but the damage was done. I didn't even feel like eating the white cheddar corn puffs anymore, my sunday was ruined.

I know what you're thinking. Was it really such a passionate looking kiss? The answer is, YES! It was a VERY passionate kiss.

I know what else you're thinking. How did you get so good at drawing cars? Answer, I worked on Cars 2 for like a year, so yeah, that's how.

New Years Resolutions 2011 Edition

Here are some of my new years resolutions for the next 365 days. I like to keep them simple so I can accomplish them before years end:

1. Learn an ancient martial arts move and use it only for good.

2. Sue a large corporation and win.

3. Become a youtube SENSATION!

4. Text more.

It's going to be a great year!

The Wedding

Planning a wedding is like building ikea furniture, but you don't get instructions or even a picture of what the furniture should look like.

But by some miracle, you figure it out, and its the best furniture you've ever built. You enjoy the crap out of it for a day and it was worth all the trouble. 

Now that I'm married, I am really looking forward to letting myself go. If I work hard at it, I think by next summer I could have 85% more belly, 75% less hair, a sparse and wild beard, and my Snuggie will fit like a sweater.

I have already started carrying a utility belt of hostess sno-ball cupcakes. 

SEQUEL

Sorry I have been away for so long, I have been hard at work penning a screenplay for a sequel to the very popular summer movie, The Expendables. The movie was so successful I knew Hollywood would need a sequel. So, for the last six weeks I played online poker and ate flaming hot cheetos, but when I grew tired of that, I went straight to work on this screenplay. Twelve grueling minutes later, I had the final draft. The screenplay stays true to the original, people shooting at other people, but takes it to the next level. The new team of The Expendables is played by out-of-work actors who used to be famous kids, but are now old and strange looking. Thankfully, they still don't have a full time job, so they have already agreed to star in the film.

Here is the final poster, coming soon to your local theater-

Starring (from left to right) Data from Goonies, Atreyu from Neverending Story,The chubby one from The Suite Life with Zack and Cody (his name is either Zack or Cody, and I found out he is 37 years old), Haley Joel Osment (he may have been drunk on the phone, so I dont think he will actually show up to film), Macaulay Culkin, Johnathan Lipnicki (who is also attached to direct), one of the Hansen brothers (arguably the most talented brother), Aladdin( I couldn't  find a recent picture, but he is confirmed), and re-introducing Air Bud(with the Busch's Baked Bean's dog as our back up).

I will pitch it to Hollywood once I find their phone number. I can't wait! It should be Expendable!

Special thanks to Tony Rosenast, who helped birth this promising addition to the first Expendable movie.

The Ultimate Tat

I've never designed a tattoo for anyone, so I decided to design the ultimate tattoo for everyone.

It has everything; a heart, angel wings, stars (masculine and feminine kind), tribal accents, a chinese symbol that means goat, a barcode, a tear drop, a quote from Megan Fox's back tattoo, and a portrait of an incredibly popular film character that you will regret three months from now.

This tattoo is perfect for a flirty lower back tat...

or even as an adventurous face tat.

Dear Hollywood,

I recently heard about your idea to remake Back to the Future with Justin Beiber and I AM OUTRAGED! Consider this my formal letter of complaint and a cease and desist. Hollywood, you have had some real boneheaded ideas in the past i.e. Young Einstein, Crossroads, Mortal Kombat 1 and 2, and the entire Wayan's Brothers Catalogue, and I've turned a blind eye to it, well, now you've gone too far!

If I so much as see this

with this

I will hurl water bottles so full of water at his head and yours it will give your children's children a headache. Your "Beiber Fever" has turned into a "Beiber Brain Tumor" and you are not thinking clearly. My threats are not to be taken lightly. If this Back to the Beiber movie happens, I will NEVER see another one of your films EVER AGAIN!!!

Forever Yours,

Erik

P.S. How is the Goonies movie coming? I hear it has the original cast, all grown up, and their kids go on a pirate adventure! That sounds like great fun, I can't wait until it comes out!

Wilderness Confessions

Lindsay and I went for a hike in Temescal Canyon. A beautiful day to be in nature.

We talked about wedding plans and mostly chit chatted, but everyone we passed on the trail was talking about very serious things. It was as if being in the wild brought out the wild thoughts in their minds. Here are the bits of conversation we heard as we made our way up drama hill.

Couple #1

"Look Todd, it undermines the psychological reasons for our RELATIONSHIP!"

Couple #2

"I'm not comparing you to her! I NEVER DO!"

Couple #3

"But if I slap her in the face, it will leave A MARK!"

I recommend going up there for hike, if Jersey Shore is on reruns.

Wedding Invitation

For the last few weeks I have been trying to design an invitation for our wedding. Here is one that we put in the rejected pile...

I'm not sure why, maybe it needs a splash of color.

Invention Thursday

At the BART station the other day, there was a scary weirdo looking at my bike with great interest. 

I thought he might be thinking about stealing it. He didn't, but it made me think of a great invention to stop bike theft.
This invention is a seemingly normal looking and working bicycle, but when stolen you can push a remote button to make the bike fall to pieces.
The thief would crash to the ground in a painful way, and it enables you to tell them to stop, and get their life together.

"Stop, and get your life together."

The anti-theft bike is a one time use, you wouldn't be able to put the bike the back together, but you can hold your head up high as the victor, and not the victim.

Retails for only $12...... + $1600 for shipping.

Or an easy $1 a day for 1,612 days! Who can't afford a buck a day!  

Toy Story 3

For the first time ever, I helped make a movie! Well, actually I was an extra in Ang Lee's Hulk, and I helped my cousin upload a youtube video once, but this is waaaaaay different.

That's right, a real bona fide hollywood(not actually made in hollywood) film! I was really lucky to be a part of the awesome team who made Toy Story 3 . Lee Unkrich is a great director, Michael Arndt is a great writer, Jason Katz is a great story supervisor, and the story crew was the best! My friends, James Robertson and Adrian Molina did some amazing stuff and I can't wait to work with those guys again! 

It came out today, so go and see it! Stop reading this and GO! REALLY! Get in your car, drive to the theater, pay for the ticket- you know what to do! Okay no really, I'm being serious now. GO SEE THE MOVIE!! Alright, I'm sorry I yelled, I accidentally hit the caps lock and got carried away. Will you please go see it now...

Unsuper

Here are some superheroes doing some unsuper things...

Cyclops reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Aquaman drinking a vitamin water.

Wolverine looking for his car keys.

Batman pooping.